Wild Friday: USA to Stop Texas Occupation

Thanks to Geoff for sharing this farcical response to pleas from Texas Governor Greg Abbott from the White House:

“We plan to withdraw all US military personnel and close all bases by December 2015”

In a brief statement President Obama said

“The US Occupation of Texas is over, the troops will finally be coming home after so many years.”

Some 250,000 personnel will be immediately affected. NASA is planning to relocate in 2016.
The Federal Government is also to review its procurement strategies from Texas based contractors.

Lockheed Martin released the following statement to the press “What the fuck is this shit?”

Boeing followed up with “What they said.”

When questioned about the $250 billion impact on the Texas economy Governor Abbot replied “That much? Really?”

Ted Cruz and Louis Gohmert released a joint statement “This is a Federal Government plot to ruin the economy of Texas and hand it over to ISIS”

Rick Perry adjusted his glasses in a desperate attempt to look reasonable and had to be led away by his handlers before he upset the base.

Alex Jones ate his own foot, he was unavailable for further comment. So a definite win there.